by Johnny Glover
Episode 88: "The Approachable Pigeons" (May 19th 5.00
pm)
The bar of The
Skaters Run was gradually beginning to empty. The FA Cup final had finished
and the Arsenal players had returned to the dressing room to drink champagne
from the cup and leap up and down. Most of the patrons
At the mention of the word 'soccer', Yaxley's skin crawled. He wanted to
write 'Football' on a large piece of wood and bash Lancaster over the head
with it. Just the sound of the word made Yaxley cringe; like finger nails
down a blackboard, like the prongs of two forks tangled up, like licking
a dry wooden spoon, like..like..like....well, like someone calling football;
'soccer'. Yaxley nodded slowly and said, 'Big footie fan are we then Clive?'
'Yes, I've been keen on the game since the formation of the league'. Yaxley
frowned. 'What, since 1888 ? Lancaster reddened. 'Er..er..No. I meant the
Premier League. 1992'. That took the biscuit. Farcett decided to change the
subject before he throttled the man.
'Where did you first meet Morgan?' continued Yaxley. 'When I took on his
account at 'Bugg, Milton and Creech'. I was only a junior at the time and
he encouraged me to push for a full partnership. After a couple of years
I also joined the party and began to work with him. Cedric got the party
to send me on management training courses...team leading, positive thinking,
that kind of stuff. I've ambitions to stand for parliament when Cedric decides
he's had enough'. Yaxley groaned at the mention of the infamous 'management
courses'. He had been sent on a few when he was a young Detective Sergeant
and the American style 'leadership' techniques had become fashionable. The
'delegates' were put into groups of six and given a variety of tasks to perform.
These were sufficiently surreal so as to enable a natural leader to come
forward in true 'Cometh the hour Cometh the man' style. However, rather than
the man being discovered on the fields of Flanders or in the POW camps of
Singapore, these heroes of management were to be found lying on the floor
trying to get an egg from one side of the room to another without being allowed
to use their hands. The instructor, normally unemployable in any other
profession, would stand at the side of the room encouraging the participants
to 'focus', 'synergise' or any other word that means bugger all (Cue the
sound of that oil drum being thwacked again).
'And has he given any hints that he might be standing down in the near future
?' probed Farcett. 'No' replied Lancaster, 'On the contrary..His relationship
with the PM is fantastic and we're looking at a junior post in the Agriculture
department quite soon, I hope'. Yaxley hid a yawn behind his pint which he
swiftly drained. If Lancaster did know anything, he wasn't going to get the
information from him here. He stood up and nodded, 'Thanks for your time.
I'll get back to you if I need to'.
'He never !!' Yaxley heard Fiona exclaim as he approached the bar.
Rickett's nodded sagely 'Sure as I'm sitting here he did'. Fiona clamped
a hand across her mouth, 'Oh my God I never realised'. Yaxley sat down at
a stool next to Fiona and asked what they were on
The prologue -
Episode One -
Episode 2 -
Episode 3 -
Episode 4 -
Episode 5 -
Episode 6 -
Episode 7 -
Episode 8 -
Episode 9 -
Episode 10 -
Episode 11-
Episode 12 -
Episode 13 -
Episode 14 -
Episode 15 -
Episode 16 -
Episode 17 -
Episode 18 -
Episode 19 -
Episode 20 -
Episode 21 -
Episode 22 -
Episode 23 -
Episode 24 -
Episode 25 -
Episode 26 -
Episode 27 -
Episode 28 -
Episode 29 -
Episode 30 -
Episode 31 -
Episode 32 -
Episode 33 -
Episode 34 -
Episode 35 -
Episode 36 -
Episode 37 -
Episode 38 -
Episode 39 -
Episode 40 -
Episode 41 -
Episode 42 -
Episode 43 -
Episode 44 -
Episode 45 -
Episode 46 -
Episode 47 -
Episode 48 -
Episode 49 -
Episode 50 -
Episode 51 -
Episode 52 -
Episode 53 -
Episode 54 -
Episode 55 -
Episode 56 -
Episode 57 -
Episode 58 -
Episode 59 -
Episode 60 -
Episode 61 -
Episode 62 -
Episode 63 -
Episode 64 -
Episode 65 -
Episode 66 -
Episode 67 -
Episode 68 -
Episode 69 -
Episode 70 -
Episode 71 -
Episode 72 -
Episode 73 -
Episode 74 -
Episode 75 -
Episode 76 -
Episode 77 -
Episode 78 -
Episode 79 -
Episode 80 -
Episode 81 -
Episode 82 -
Episode 83 -
Episode 84 -
Episode 85 -
Episode 86 -
Episode 87 -
Episode 89 -
Cast List
Comments to collyinfo
click here for cast
list
of the Skaters
were in no fit state to jump about having been in the pub for the past five
hours or so.
Yaxley Farcett
and Clive Lancaster were still sitting in the corner of the pub as the locals
gradually began to filter out. 'There they go' said Lancaster eyeing the
exodus over the top of his pint. 'Seven pints of Threaknecks and then back
to their wives to tell them all about the soccer...don't get me wrong, I
love the game but I can't stand this trend for watching it in the pub'.
'Clive. You are
obviously aware of Cedric Morgan's business dealings as his accountant. Are
you good friends ? Do you know much about his personal life ?' 'Enough to
know that he is an energetic, dedicated Member of Parliament for this area
and a loving family man' replied Lancaster. That confirmed it for Yaxley.
He obviously knew bugger all about him. A vacuous non-statement which sounded
like a corporate babble leaflet was the language of an empty oil drum being
whacked very loudly with a stick. Like they used to say at school, 'empty
vessels make the most noise'.
Returning to
the bar he found Fiona and Fred Ricketts in intense conversation. The topic
at hand had moved on from dogs to birds.
about. Fred
winked at Yaxley and said 'I was just telling young Fiona here about the
perils of eating too much pigeon. Old Shakey Bacon that used to live down
Hadlode Fen had a spell when he fell on hard times and ended up shooting
pigeons off his roof. He ate six one week; one day after another. The next
one killed him !' Yaxley laughed and said 'You're having us on aren't
you...sounds like another 'bull shaving' story to me'. Fred narrowed his
eyes and continued. 'It takes twenty eight hours to digest pigeon...you have
it seven days in a row and you might as well write yor will !'