by John Glover
click here for cast
list
Episode 2 - "Yaxley Farcett- part 1" (May 18th 08:45am)
As he took the exit off the A14 that pointed him in the direction of Barnham, he passed a series of tedious handwritten messages that had been attached to signs, trees and lamp posts. The first one had announced that, 'Naughty Nick is Sporty Forty!' Yaxley groaned. How he detested these amateur poets who thought it was a real hoot to leave puerile notes to their friends. The next one was worse; 'Life begins at Flirty Forty for Spice Boy Nick' and they continued on in that vein for the next fifteen miles. A lamppost was festooned with inflated condoms with the picture of a balding man drawn on the side (if a condom can have a 'side') declaring that 'Big Boy Nick Does It In Wellies!' The real problem with all this birthday rubbish is, he said to himself, that they never come and take it down. So, there it stays until the council come and do their six monthly clear up. Until then, road users were doomed to read the same crap every morning and evening; as the cardboard disintegrates, the paint runs and the condoms deflate.
As he passed the last of the words to the witless, Yaxley realised that he was hungry. He'd left his flat in Bradford at six o'clock that morning. He needed something greasy and he needed it now.
The prologue -
Episode One -
Episode Three -
Episode 4
- Cast List and Episode Index
Comments to collyinfo
"It's a suicide rap...we've gotta get out while we're young, cos tramps like us, baby we were born to ruuunn!" At the climax of Bruce Springsteen's epic paean to youth, Yaxley Farcett slammed his fists into the centre of his steering wheel and hollered loudly. "Born to Run" was, in his opinion, the finest driving song ever written and the sound of the opening bars of the tune would transform him from a thoughtful considerate road user into Peter Fonda in a scene from "Easy Rider". Which wasn't saying much really, as his bright orange VW Beetle could only reach seventy miles per hour with a following wind and Yaxley's suede boot pressed firmly down on the accelerator. Occasionally, even that relatively simple manoeuvre became difficult as there was a tendency for empty cans, discarded cassette tapes and other foreign objects to roll under the foot pedals at inopportune moments, causing him a variety of near death experiences. In an attempt to improve his in-car housekeeping he once bought a "Kar Klear Kit" from The Krazy Kar Kit People, but that fell off its velcro mounting and also became embroiled with his foot pedals.
Yaxley was in a good mood. A good, "I'm about to have a huge great fry up and then do nothing for the rest of the day except please myself" kind of mood. He was cruising along in his Beetle towards a new job and a new life.
He didn't have to report to the office until the following day, so the moment was his. The only chore of the day was to find his new digs and throw his bags into a wardrobe. As the digs came fully furnished, there was no 'moving' involved. Yaxley liked it that way. Since leaving home he had moved from furnished rooms to furnished rooms...'Born to Run" - that was Yaxley Farcett.
His sudden move away from his native Bradford had been at the behest of his boss.